May 10, 2018 By Nick
Sometimes there’s just nobody to go out with and it’s easier to hide away from the world, watch TV and pretend that’s what you wanted to do anyway. Don’t, you’ll miss out on awesome nights, amazing people and a great chance to work on your game. Go out alone.
When I moved back to the UK I set up base camp in a new town. I wanted a fresh start and moving home just felt too much like crawling back a beaten man. So I moved to Plymouth, I worked from home and I spent the first month listening to my life passing by outside.
Eventually, as Deadpool says, I hit: “Fuck it.”
Nobody owes you a social life
Nobody was going to knock on my door and give me a life. They’re not going to do it for you either.
So if you’re spending your Saturday nights watching Netflix, browsing Plenty of Fish and crying, then you need to put on your big boy pants and go out the door. It can be scary thinking how to go out alone, but it’s only fear that’s holding you back.
There can be all sorts of reasons why you don’t have that circle of friends to lean on, too. If you’re recently divorced they can all be married and busy. If you’ve moved or you’re away on business then you just don’t know anybody and there’s always going to be weekends where you’re at a loose end.
It’s not a downer, it’s an opportunity.
Pick up artists often prefer to work alone
A lot of Pick Up Artists prefer to go out alone and while most of them are hardly role models, it shows that you can do it.
Most of us don’t because we think it looks weird. Normal people don’t go out alone.
They do, it happens every day. Just knowing that one simple fact and accepting it can change the way you feel when you’re out on the town.
If you can get comfortable going out alone then you’re one step closer to being totally centred and comfortable in your own skin. That’s pretty much the driving force behind every single piece of advice you’ll find on this site. It’s the end goal.
You don’t have to become a leader of men or Casanova reincarnated. That’s not the point. The idea is to do what you want, when you want, and to be totally content with the life you create.
If you need people around you to feel comfortable, then it’s just another way of putting your happiness in someone else’s hands. So if you know how to go out alone and have a great time, you’re a truly free man.
Going out alone is a worthwhile challenge
So view going out alone as a challenge. It will be the first few times, but you’ll get it. You’ll talk to strangers, you’ll meet new people, you’ll boost your social skills and you’ll get confident in a hurry.
That’s the ‘why’, then. Now, for the ‘how’.
1. Get in the mood with a warm-up drink
If you have to drive then you can’t do this, but then think about going somewhere local. Later on you can go out stone cold sober, but that is elite level solo sarging. For now, you’ll need a little bit of lubrication to get you in the mood.
This is vital, though, don’t go overboard. If you go out drunk then you’ll be hammered in no time, you’ll get nowhere and you’ll start to get into a negative feedback loop.
Other people won’t entertain your shit because you’re hammered, which means you’ll get a bit more drunk to give you more courage and the whole shit show gets worse. Have one or two, then keep at that level.
2. Pick your venue
There is no right or wrong aspect to this, it’s what you feel comfortable with. Some people prefer to sit at a bar in a quieter place, while others want a banging club.
The only advice with a club is don’t go too early. You’ll end up stood in the corner wondering what to do with yourself and you’ll probably go home early.
To get in the swing of this you might be better off in a quieter place where you can talk to people and strike up a conversation. You might find yourself going to the club with a new group of friends in any case.
Be prepared to widen your net, too, and go to different places. If your local bar doesn’t prove a happy hunting ground then try another one. Mix it up, go to a comedy show, do something new. A new atmosphere can bring out the best in you and others.
3. Be sociable
If you hide in the corner and look at your drink then nobody will talk to you, it’s really that simple. Sit at the bar and it isn’t too busy then chat to the staff. Most of them will welcome the distraction and they’ll have some suggestions of places to go that you just might not have considered.
If they’re good people, go back, they’ll be happy to see you and they’ll greet you as you walk in. Know what that is? That’s social proof and it is awesome.
When other people know and like you, you’re basically pre-approved with everyone in the room. They’ll want to know you too, so the whole process gets easier.
4. Talk to strangers
It’s so much easier to do this if you’re chatting with the bar staff and just open the conversation up to those around you. This might feel weird the first time you do it, but what’s the worst that can happen?
There’s a chance they’ll grunt and look at the floor, but so what? That’s their problems and insecurities, not yours.
Keep doing it and you’ll suddenly see how people can just walk into a room and chat to anybody, because you can too.
It’s the fear of rejection that keeps so many people locked in that little private bubble. It stops them having fun, it stops them meeting awesome people. It serves no purpose. Burst the bubble and your life will get better, instantly.
Need more help? Here is a good guide!
5. Groups are good
Don’t laser in on single women like some kind of lounge room lizard. Talk to groups, be genuinely social rather than a wannabe pick up artist. It’s way easier to strike up a conversation with a group, you’ll get to meet everyone in the end anyway and you might be surprised how you’re being pushed together with one of the single girls by the end of the night.
6. Be ready to laugh off your loner status
Somebody, somewhere, will look at you like you’re nuts and ask with a lost expression: “So you’ve come out alone?”
They will think it’s weird, this is the moment that keeps you in watching Netflix right now.
Laugh at it and say: “What was I going to do? Stay home and cry on my own. Then you’d never get to meet me.”
Say it strong, say it with a smile and that whole conversation will just evaporate. You won’t just deflect it, your stature in that particular group will rise immeasurably. It takes balls to go out alone. They’ve just admitted they couldn’t do it, if you spin that conversation on its head.
You’re doing something brave, even though it really isn’t. Own it, be happy with it and you’ll suddenly look like the life and soul.
7. Accept invitations
If people invite you to go somewhere, as long as it’s not a back alley, or to a Crack den, then go. Enjoy yourself, meet new people, go with the flow and have awesome times. These people could be a fleeting moment in your life, or they could be your lifelong buddies. You just don’t know.
I used to work in F1 and ended in random corners of the globe with some amazing people. I ended up on the set of Neighbours, a very bad Australian soap, at 4am, I got dropped back to the hotel in Sao Paulo in time for a shower and to go to work and partied at Port Olympic in Barcelona until crazy o’clock, many times.
None of this would have happened if I’d been closed to the opportunities and new people.
People can be awesome, you just have to go out there and meet them.
So no more Netflix and hiding behind your curtains. Get out there and see the world. It’s an amazing place.