May 31, 2018 By Nick
You know when you meet someone and you know you like them? There’s no particular reason, you just feel like they’re in sync with you. You feel at ease with them. There’s an instant rapport and it feels like looking in a mirror…
Actually there is a particular reason. It’s almost certainly mirroring, which you might have heard called ‘pacing’. You see yourself in them, in their actions, you hear yourself in their voice.
They might be mirroring you, you might be mirroring them. But one of you is doing it and it can be entirely subconscious.
Just knowing about it can boost your strike rate with girls or clients.
Create rapport in an instant
Because now, you can create that feeling every time. You can do it by design and you can automatically take the upper hand, every time, by consciously taking the lead.
You just have to learn how to mirror people, as well as the perfect time to snatch the lead, and they can be putty in your hands in a minute. It will make girls get naked, it works in business, it works with everyone.
This is a scientifically proven art of persuasion method to get what you want from anybody. You can seriously get anything you want from someone in a minute or less.
It’s also the basis of the much-vaunted conversational hypnosis, although it’s just the first step.
That’s because there’s a streak of vanity running through every single human being on this planet, including you and me. So if we meet people that remind us of ourselves then they must be good.
You can use that.
It’s important to walk a fine and invisible line, though, and you’ll only learn where that is through trying it out. You should always retain your authenticity and in some ways the mirror technique flies in the face of the DGAF alpha male lifestyle.
But adopt it sparingly, use it to just the right level, and you’ll see how it’s an essential social skill that every alpha male does naturally.
The whole point of this site is breaking down the mechanics and giving you real tools that can boost your success with girls through the roof. This one just happens to work everywhere.
Don’t be fake, be you with a tweak
Never give up who you are in a bid to become the perfect mirror. If it feels fake to you then your whole aura will feel weird, fake and even dangerous. If someone feels you’re being fake, they just won’t like you.
Even worse, if you mess it up really bad then it’s actually a red flag for a narcissist or sociopath. So make sure you can do this before you pull it out.
So it’s more about using this information to influence your own natural behaviour, taking a few of their ingredients to add to your recipe. It’s tricky and you’ll only know you’ve got this down when it works every single time, but simply being aware of the power of mirroring and using it in ever so subtle ways can help you.
The messed up thing is that if you’re a ‘people person’, then I guarantee you already do this to some extent. It’s a human instinct. Just keep it the right side of approval seeking behaviour, don’t change who you are.
Used sparingly, though, this is such a powerful technique that it is taught at crack sales conferences, pick up artist conventions and even therapists use it to put a nervous patient at ease.
What is mirroring?
Mirroring is, in essence, mirroring the other person’s actions and mannerisms back to them. It’s playing on their Narcissism, and we all have a sliver of that inside us, to create a feeling of trust and warmth. Get it right and it just cannot fail.
So if you can master the mirror then you’ll be 10 times better in a social setting overnight. With just a few subtle gestures and a tweak to your speech pattern you can create the feeling of comfort and trust.
This is the most basic NLP technique you can use to influence other people, but beware. There is a fine line between mirroring and copying and if you get caught out with this then the other person might never trust you again.
So practice this. If you only pull it out when it matters you’ll be nervous, disjointed and you’ll screw it up. As well, watch the people that always put others at ease. In a lot of cases you’ll see the subtle signs that they are mirroring.
It might come so naturally to them that they have no idea they’re actually doing anything special at all. These are great people to model and learn from, but you’ll notice that most of them never snatch the lead. That’s what makes you different.
That’s the why, but how do you mirror people?
1. Adopt a similar posture
If they are laid back in the chair, then do the same. If they lean forward, go forward to meet them.
Keep it simple until you’re better at this, but analyse the way they hold themselves and subtly adjust. Look for subtle tilts of the head, an angle to the body and whether they hold themselves proud and upright or casual and leant over.
Don’t go all the way, it’s too much. Just give them visual cues and subtle hints that you’re just like them.
2. Hand gestures
These are so important and you can make somebody identify with you in an instant if you use similar hand gestures to them. Again, don’t just copy them 100%, but if you’re not a hand talker and they are, then prepare to amp up your gestures.
3. Verbal rhythm
When people speak at a totally different speed to you then there’s a much bigger chance you’re going to find them annoying. So if you really want to win someone over then listen to their rhythm and fall into step with them.
I used to be amazed when I actually ended up speaking with a slight Irish twang with Irish friends, but it turns out I was just awesome at mirroring and sometimes went too far.
Seriously. I know this sounds messed up, but watch their breathing and fall into line and you can forget almost everything you know. You’ll feel in harmony, they’ll feel it too and it’s one of the most subtle methods of pacing them that they’ll just never see it coming.
Just one tip, if it’s a girl then don’t stare at her tits.
5. Odd words
Listen out for words that they use, the type of speech and unusual words. Use them. Again, sparingly, but just adopt a turn of phrase. It should slip by seemingly unnoticed, but it will have an effect on them.
Now you’ve made the mirror, it’s time to lead
Now the test. You need to know if the mirror has worked and this person feels truly in step with you. So now, having fallen into step with the person, you take the lead.
This is the bit that even the most natural mirror can fall down on, they just don’t know what they’ve done right until this point and I missed so many opportunities because I couldn’t switch it out before I really knew what was happening. If you can’t switch and take the lead then you’ve wasted your time.
Leading is the next step in the mirroring process and it’s an essential part of the game. It will also show you if you are really in step with this person or if you need to take it back to square one, back off and start the whole process again. It’s a killer sales technique that has been refined over the years, but you can use it anywhere.
Make a bold move
If you’re leaning back in your chair, then lean forward. If you’re all the way forward, recline in your chair. Make it a bold action. If you’re holding a drink, then put it down.
Do they follow you? Do they mirror your actions? Do they start to follow you then stop themselves?
If they do, you got them…
If it’s a girl or if it’s a business meeting, then it’s time to escalate. Go for the kino routine and if it’s a prospect then it’s time to get the meat of the meeting. They’re into you, so strike while the iron is hot.
Now what happens if they don’t? No biggie, they might just need to warm up a little more first or you didn’t quite get it right. Back off, take it back to square one and go again.
You’ll get ‘em next time.