May 29, 2018 By Nick
I have heard so much about confidence on this journey.
Confidence is the key to getting girls. Girls love confidence. Girls love a centered guy.
Most girls will tell you that’s what they admire most in a man, even though most of them can be conned with a truly fake veneer of Chad.
I know, I learned how to do it.
I thought that was the end goal.
It wasn’t, at all.
Confidence Is More Than PUA Techniques
It was just the beginning of a journey of self-discovery and empowerment that would take me half way around the world, help me set up new businesses and find a whole new way of life.
Sign up if you want to know more at the top bar and maybe I can help you through this weird little maze we call life.
Anyway, everything the PUA sites say is true, to an extent. But it’s also missing the point by a country mile.
You see most of these systems will try to teach you a veneer of confidence.
I can do that all day long, and have even shown you a variety of Hollywood alpha males you can model for a ‘confident look’.
But it’s all about the show, not about the go.
They’re geared towards people that aren’t getting any and desperately want some.
So even the PUA systems still place sex on a pedestal.
They turn it into a prize for playing the game the right way.
That is the fatal flaw.
So What Is The Secret To True Confidence?
The secret is not giving a shit what happens.
The secret is an optimistic version of nihilism.
It’s not practicing sets. It’s not faking it until you make it.
It’s genuinely not caring.
That is actual true, to the core confidence.
I know this sounds a lot like Mark Manson’s ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.’
I don’t agree with his entire philosophy, but there are some golden truths in there and I recommend reading the book.
But I’m not, I’m trying to find what works.
How Do You Get More Confident?
There’s pretty much only one way to get to the point I’m talking about.
You need to go through the growing pains. You need to get shot down in flames. You need to pick yourself up and you need to do it all over again.
It’s the closest we have to a Rite of Passage these days.
When You Can Play Girls, They Lose Their Mystery
You need to see they’re not mysterious little unicorns.
You can basically apply science and play them like lab rats.
When you do, you find out they are not the key to your happiness and they never will be.
You Can Shortcut This Process
Or you can go and spend time in one of the sex capitals of the world and just bang enough girls until you see the patterns.
When you do that often enough, you’ll realise that no one girl can be special. There’s always one just behind her and another bus will be along in a moment.
If it doesn’t happen tonight, it can happen tomorrow, or the day after.
It’s the Same With Jobs
Yep, it’s the same process with jobs, or clients. Keep getting better, but go through the rejection, go through the pain and then every time try to keep your expectations in check.
Go in with a better, calmer attitude each and every time and see how your results improve.
Your Self Worth Doesn’t Belong To Anybody Else
You don’t take your self-worth from someone else’s arbitrary verdict.
She’s just one girl in the world, her opinion really doesn’t matter very much and she is only the gatekeeper to her pants, not everybody else’s.
That potential employer? They’re just one of thousands.
You are not a failure if they don’t want you. Somebody else will.
The Biggest Pain Comes From Not Accepting Reality
Think back to the worst experiences of your life, especially with a girl.
90% of them can be traced back to not accepting the situation for what it is and trying to change reality through sheer force of will.
You could have wanted someone that just didn’t feel you.
Or you could have tried to save a relationship that had died on the vine and bent over backwards for someone that just didn’t deserve it and didn’t appreciate it.
Your hopes and dreams become indelibly linked to someone else’s choices.
When they go against you, it hurts.
Zero Attachment Means You Can’t Lose
If you literally had zero attachment to the outcome, then nothing will hurt you. If you have zero fucks to give, you are unfuckwithable.
If you knew that one way or another you’ll be just fine, that is what true confidence feels like.
When you get there, strange things happen.
Zero Expectations Boosts Your Sex Appeal
You get more attractive when you stop caring.
Not because you learned a system. Not because you have a clever trick.
But because you value yourself enough that one person’s opinion simply cannot make a dent on your ego.
Girls pick up on that. It’s sexy.
Real Achievements Are Something Else
Now we should take a moment to mention another really good source of solid confidence – actually fucking achieving things.
Today’s world glosses over small things like getting stuff done, learning, hitting the gym and actually doing useful things.
These are core achievements that nobody can take away away from you and we’ll get into that more another day. Because it’s a bigger, different subject.
This little lecture is about your reaction to other people’s reaction to you.
Can We Ever Achieve Total Detachment?
Probably not, if I’m honest.
We do care about things, about people. We get invested in a situation.
I did a few months ago. I gave a girl a chance to prove that NAWALT.
It didn’t go well and she might well have cemented this philosophy in my mind.
Rejection Hurts, But Less So
The truth is, when we’ve decided we want to sleep with a girl, rejection, especially public rejection, can hurt.
And if you really want a job, or a car, you start to care about it.
But you can’t care too much or you’ll normally worry and stress about it.
When you do that, you focus on the wrong part of the equation and you’ll manifest your worst fears.
You’ll turn the worst case scenario into your reality.
Caring Looks Insecure
If you care too much about a girl, you’ll end up driving her right out of your life with perceived insecurity.
If you want a job too badly, you’ll be a jangling bag of nerves in the interview and you’ll screw it right up.
So if you can aim, physically and mentally train yourself, to not give a shit either way, then you’ll get more confident.
You’ll understand how this works and you’ll get even better.
We’re Talking Theoretical Zen-Like States
This is a Zen-like state, full Buddhist monk mode, and none of us might ever achieve it in our lifetime.
But it’s something we should aspire to.
If you even get close, then your life will be a better place.
Get There Inch By Inch
I feel like I’m homing in on this state. I feel like I’m getting there with time, effort and education.
This one really is a marathon, not a sprint, and you will fall along the way.
But I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore and that has made me 1000% stronger and tougher.
When you simply don’t give a shit either way, you are basically unfuckwithable.
And that is the essence of true confidence.